Tomorrow, will be interesting too
East Slovak gallery, Košice SR, 2017
curator: Lucia Gavulová
Diary of trippers, sitters, observers, guides, providers, junkies and curanderas
This diary describes the journey of nine trippers that became one tripper during seven days that became one day. Trippers were taking different drugs together in order to try to dissolve their egos, to experiment with the time elasticity, to become wise in the way of plants, to trip sit during bad trips, to remain horizontal in darkness.
Text sitter: Tanja Sljivar
Trippers: Mor Gur- Arie, Catalina Insignares, René Alejandro Huari Mateus, Laura Eva Meuris, Clara Reiner, Tanja Sljivar, Else Tunemyr, Zuzana Žabková
Trippers: Mor Gur- Arie, Catalina Insignares, René Alejandro Huari Mateus, Laura Eva Meuris, Clara Reiner, Tanja Sljivar, Else Tunemyr, Zuzana Žabková
Sunday 13.8.2017.
_Sleeping
I was assigned with 3 possible ways of sleeping. Open mattress where one could feel open. e tent for two. e place where you are enclosed and feel protected. I choose the 3rd one, I was afraid of being alone but at the same time not having the possibility of being alone. I am sleeping just on the mattress. It seems I'm wild but it's mainly because I've started with these drugs earlier. I woke up on Sunday, in the middle of the night, in this place. I did not sleep well. And then then anxiety attack kicked in. It feels like I will never be able to fall asleep in this tent again. I am not completely happy or calm, till I steal some of her sleeping remedies. So filled up with all kinds of plastic-coated pills I was finally able to bring myself to sleep again a er 1 hour or so. I slept well, deep and restful with no dreams. I woke up in a heavy mood and I knew it would hang on to me, so I decided to wash it away with a quarter. ere was a risk involved in the dose, it might be too much for the quantity of unknown people. I ask myself if she really wanted to confess this or is it being here at night with us that made her do it. I woke up with a headache from the wine I had to drink in order to concentrate yesterday. I remove my earplugs and I hear a guy I don't know snoring. I start inspecting my medicine kit and start swallowing everything I find in it– painkillers, natural remedies for my bladder, bonbons for throat inflammation, anxiolytics. I sit up and reach for my medicine bag. I put my lips around my inhaler, hold the air, grab my nose spray, and insert it in my nose. I take the eye drops, one drop in each eye, I close my eyes and my head is still throbbing. I woke up in the same place at which we meet everyday. Finally, my ego more dissolved. I wake up and it's Sunday. I woke up from a very nice sleep. I slept lightly, slipping in and out of dreams. I kept seeing the faces of the people here.
I was assigned with 3 possible ways of sleeping. Open mattress where one could feel open. e tent for two. e place where you are enclosed and feel protected. I choose the 3rd one, I was afraid of being alone but at the same time not having the possibility of being alone. I am sleeping just on the mattress. It seems I'm wild but it's mainly because I've started with these drugs earlier. I woke up on Sunday, in the middle of the night, in this place. I did not sleep well. And then then anxiety attack kicked in. It feels like I will never be able to fall asleep in this tent again. I am not completely happy or calm, till I steal some of her sleeping remedies. So filled up with all kinds of plastic-coated pills I was finally able to bring myself to sleep again a er 1 hour or so. I slept well, deep and restful with no dreams. I woke up in a heavy mood and I knew it would hang on to me, so I decided to wash it away with a quarter. ere was a risk involved in the dose, it might be too much for the quantity of unknown people. I ask myself if she really wanted to confess this or is it being here at night with us that made her do it. I woke up with a headache from the wine I had to drink in order to concentrate yesterday. I remove my earplugs and I hear a guy I don't know snoring. I start inspecting my medicine kit and start swallowing everything I find in it– painkillers, natural remedies for my bladder, bonbons for throat inflammation, anxiolytics. I sit up and reach for my medicine bag. I put my lips around my inhaler, hold the air, grab my nose spray, and insert it in my nose. I take the eye drops, one drop in each eye, I close my eyes and my head is still throbbing. I woke up in the same place at which we meet everyday. Finally, my ego more dissolved. I wake up and it's Sunday. I woke up from a very nice sleep. I slept lightly, slipping in and out of dreams. I kept seeing the faces of the people here.
Wait, I start again.
In my dream there was a circle and i don’t know if i was running away from it or towards it. I also got caught up in the sleeping-bag. I woke up earlier than others. is day will be interesting, too. I had difficulty sleeping because she has been having an allergic reaction and was blowing her nose a lot. I slept okay. I dreamed I was making very good jokes, sharp and witty and a little bit obscene. But then i realised no-one was listening. eye had already moved on. I don’t remember sleeping. I'm sleeping inside.
Wait, I start again.
_Bathroom-Kitchen
I had breakfast and showered. I had showering and breakfast, it took two hours because of the group negotiation, but there where I normally would have been impatient, I found myself waiting patiently and observing the minor first effects of the drug hitting me. ere are many here, they seem nice, but i don’t remember the names. I noticed that this occasion of having so many people around, did not affect my ability to think, work or interact. It has, on the other hand, affected my physiological needs and cycles: sleeping, eating, emptying the contents of my intestine, even showering. So with those allegedly natural process I needed a little push. Do others know about me? How much others know about me? Are all being kind as part of therapy procedure or pure compassion? All this people, all these faces, all this desires for connecting, for knowing more about each other, how could it be so interesting to them and so completely uninteresting to me? I have also noticed something: I am late o en. Whenever i arrive to join a situation, it is in the process of dissolving. I spend my time following the others. I must try to be quicker. Also–i must try to anticipate situations before they occur. Today I did it shower. It makes me much quicker. Before showering, I stabbed an ear sticks into my ear holes - another childhood addiction, I found the sticks in the bathroom, in a shabby cosmetics department behind the sticky mirror, belonging to whomever, my eau de glue. Should I just step out and not try that shit no more? In order to increase the appetite, first eat carcinogenic nuts cream, in order to shower first stab as deep as you can an ear stick into your ear. In order to shit, first smoke a cigarette, he has rolled for me. And that very special ritual became my daily practice, became inalienable from me. Lock yourself in a bathroom, in the late a noon, when it is not likely that someone will need it, read a book, smoke a cigarette, and you will feel light light light. And it will all go out of you.
e others are already having breakfast, I go there. I woke up earlier than others, the kitchen is empty. My ego is empowered. And the way to kitchen is never ending. All this drug taking can create a lot of practical problems... Like for example starting to prepare a brunch at 12 and actually serving it at 7.30 pm.
But then came the night where there is no daylight to see a dirty kitchen. I realised I had to find my own strategy to live around those parameters. We came back to the kitchen orange pumpkin with pasta, orange pumpkin with black pasta for the non-gluten people. Being able to cook, but obsessing about orangeness, pouring everything that came to my hands into the preparation and still somehow, I should have been less high I thought because it all worked out well then. We were 8 hands on this orange preparation. Everyone was preparing food and I felt out of place and in the way.
I had breakfast and showered. I had showering and breakfast, it took two hours because of the group negotiation, but there where I normally would have been impatient, I found myself waiting patiently and observing the minor first effects of the drug hitting me. ere are many here, they seem nice, but i don’t remember the names. I noticed that this occasion of having so many people around, did not affect my ability to think, work or interact. It has, on the other hand, affected my physiological needs and cycles: sleeping, eating, emptying the contents of my intestine, even showering. So with those allegedly natural process I needed a little push. Do others know about me? How much others know about me? Are all being kind as part of therapy procedure or pure compassion? All this people, all these faces, all this desires for connecting, for knowing more about each other, how could it be so interesting to them and so completely uninteresting to me? I have also noticed something: I am late o en. Whenever i arrive to join a situation, it is in the process of dissolving. I spend my time following the others. I must try to be quicker. Also–i must try to anticipate situations before they occur. Today I did it shower. It makes me much quicker. Before showering, I stabbed an ear sticks into my ear holes - another childhood addiction, I found the sticks in the bathroom, in a shabby cosmetics department behind the sticky mirror, belonging to whomever, my eau de glue. Should I just step out and not try that shit no more? In order to increase the appetite, first eat carcinogenic nuts cream, in order to shower first stab as deep as you can an ear stick into your ear. In order to shit, first smoke a cigarette, he has rolled for me. And that very special ritual became my daily practice, became inalienable from me. Lock yourself in a bathroom, in the late a noon, when it is not likely that someone will need it, read a book, smoke a cigarette, and you will feel light light light. And it will all go out of you.
e others are already having breakfast, I go there. I woke up earlier than others, the kitchen is empty. My ego is empowered. And the way to kitchen is never ending. All this drug taking can create a lot of practical problems... Like for example starting to prepare a brunch at 12 and actually serving it at 7.30 pm.
But then came the night where there is no daylight to see a dirty kitchen. I realised I had to find my own strategy to live around those parameters. We came back to the kitchen orange pumpkin with pasta, orange pumpkin with black pasta for the non-gluten people. Being able to cook, but obsessing about orangeness, pouring everything that came to my hands into the preparation and still somehow, I should have been less high I thought because it all worked out well then. We were 8 hands on this orange preparation. Everyone was preparing food and I felt out of place and in the way.
_Practices
We have spoken of sonic meditations that they might be good for our trip. We breathe and sing for one hour. It's a pity because we cannot tune. Closed eyes are opening constantly. Rapid changing images with your eyes closed are not as exciting as rapid changing images with yours eyes opened. It's odd practice. But the voice is clear. She opens her eyes and everything is moving like in a very quick animation. She turns her head. I follow her.
We sat on a floating deck and started singing together trying to tune in together. It was not happening, every voice was listening only to what was next to it or to itself. e voices that were only circulating laterally where actually passing through this cocaine channel in the middle. e material power of drugs is not only in their taking.
She turns her head. I follow her. She lies on the floor with her legs straight, and up in the air. I am singing into her bones and back. Listening to her arms, I attach my lips into her skin, I suck a bit, then I let the sound vibrate. I sing into her back and I hum slowly into her spine. I hum to the centre.
I am sober that's good.
In order to connect to another we decided to do a practice of singing into the bone. One person lies down and the other people hum a sound into their body. You press your lips to points of the skin. e person receiving might experience intense moments of sensory and emotional pleasure. At times one might even start to hallucinate. It was not only until the evening that I could understand that it was not in my imagination, but that there were actually a few pigs sleeping not far from the tent.
en she was lying down and we were sticking our mouths on her skin, blowing vibration into her that was then connecting and modulating the vibration in our mouth. One sound through one flesh.
We have spoken of sonic meditations that they might be good for our trip. We breathe and sing for one hour. It's a pity because we cannot tune. Closed eyes are opening constantly. Rapid changing images with your eyes closed are not as exciting as rapid changing images with yours eyes opened. It's odd practice. But the voice is clear. She opens her eyes and everything is moving like in a very quick animation. She turns her head. I follow her.
We sat on a floating deck and started singing together trying to tune in together. It was not happening, every voice was listening only to what was next to it or to itself. e voices that were only circulating laterally where actually passing through this cocaine channel in the middle. e material power of drugs is not only in their taking.
She turns her head. I follow her. She lies on the floor with her legs straight, and up in the air. I am singing into her bones and back. Listening to her arms, I attach my lips into her skin, I suck a bit, then I let the sound vibrate. I sing into her back and I hum slowly into her spine. I hum to the centre.
I am sober that's good.
In order to connect to another we decided to do a practice of singing into the bone. One person lies down and the other people hum a sound into their body. You press your lips to points of the skin. e person receiving might experience intense moments of sensory and emotional pleasure. At times one might even start to hallucinate. It was not only until the evening that I could understand that it was not in my imagination, but that there were actually a few pigs sleeping not far from the tent.
en she was lying down and we were sticking our mouths on her skin, blowing vibration into her that was then connecting and modulating the vibration in our mouth. One sound through one flesh.
Four healing hands were on me, anchoring my body and taking away the unpleasant feeling of floatiness from morphine, but accentuating the sensorial potential already available to me. I awoke from this feeling grounded and a ready to come back to the big group.
We have spoken of sonic meditations and that they might be good for our trip.
We have spoken of sonic meditations and that they might be good for our trip.
_Lake
I am sitting by the lake and it is sunny, warm and beautiful. No Internet. No meat. No closed spaces. I took a swim in the lake and it was amazing. I remember being in a small lake, watching her black swim coat and the moment when she realised how not deep was the lake and she started to swim in the other way, didn't she? is made her realise she was missing this place so much.
en we went for a ride on the lake. Just as we set off, I had a sudden urge to hold onto the pier. Two of them smile. eir smile is bigger then if I would put them through Joker application. I just finished a joint to make me creative but actually it has made me want to lie down and watch the others swim. How can they swim so much? I am confused. But I am feeling happy and even grateful. While lying down, if I hold my head up and still I can see the other 4 within my vision. I was observing them and it was still impossible to predict that already during the upcoming night I will start abusing every substance that comes across my way.
I am sitting by the lake and it is sunny, warm and beautiful. No Internet. No meat. No closed spaces. I took a swim in the lake and it was amazing. I remember being in a small lake, watching her black swim coat and the moment when she realised how not deep was the lake and she started to swim in the other way, didn't she? is made her realise she was missing this place so much.
en we went for a ride on the lake. Just as we set off, I had a sudden urge to hold onto the pier. Two of them smile. eir smile is bigger then if I would put them through Joker application. I just finished a joint to make me creative but actually it has made me want to lie down and watch the others swim. How can they swim so much? I am confused. But I am feeling happy and even grateful. While lying down, if I hold my head up and still I can see the other 4 within my vision. I was observing them and it was still impossible to predict that already during the upcoming night I will start abusing every substance that comes across my way.
_Floor&Dancing&Music
In the a ernoon there is an orange carpet on the entire floor. In the evening there are black and white tiles on the entire floor. He was dancing, he was sliding on the floor in different directions. He has a strange attitude, very straight. I am lying down on the red floor while the oldest sitter is playing the piano. I can still remember the piano music from him just 15 minutes ago. In the evening he danced on the floor and I felt happy again. e carpet-floor dampens sounds and again I fell asleep. Also, I want to see a banana-chakra. Yesterday, I danced with him and I taught him couple of steps. at was great. He would look at me into my eyes and sing to me and smile. I should be able to face everyone. Face to face. Eyes to eyes. Because there is nothing to feel ashamed of. Especially in this place, we are all addicts of something.
In the a ernoon there is an orange carpet on the entire floor. In the evening there are black and white tiles on the entire floor. He was dancing, he was sliding on the floor in different directions. He has a strange attitude, very straight. I am lying down on the red floor while the oldest sitter is playing the piano. I can still remember the piano music from him just 15 minutes ago. In the evening he danced on the floor and I felt happy again. e carpet-floor dampens sounds and again I fell asleep. Also, I want to see a banana-chakra. Yesterday, I danced with him and I taught him couple of steps. at was great. He would look at me into my eyes and sing to me and smile. I should be able to face everyone. Face to face. Eyes to eyes. Because there is nothing to feel ashamed of. Especially in this place, we are all addicts of something.
_Sobering
My actual addictions – meat and Internet and city life are running straight into me are consuming me
are kicking me in my belly as
five of us enter the city, riding bikes
I came to her bed because she was not here anymore
she was there yesterday
he is sleeping in the next room in our bed
but i came to her bed
to smell a
perfect stay
warm escaped
through my anus
I m considering this community as a research into about bonding
how to bond so strong to one or to two persons, how to achieve
the moment when they are going to touch each other in the very subtle way actually touching the skin of others and listen to the biggest song
there is always a moment when one has to go back to her childhood bedroom sober
again alone in the bed
five nights ago when we started it
i was failing to keep a promise
seven days in row, we are all in
each others rooms
in tents vans yurts
on the morning buses or planes
or
by each other in the same bed but in several dreams
trip is over we are down it is not as painful but is yet another loss
Maybe it has been a place to make me rethink why I care so less about others
Why I am always so busy about myself. Why I don't have children?
My actual addictions – meat and Internet and city life are running straight into me are consuming me
are kicking me in my belly as
five of us enter the city, riding bikes
I came to her bed because she was not here anymore
she was there yesterday
he is sleeping in the next room in our bed
but i came to her bed
to smell a
perfect stay
warm escaped
through my anus
I m considering this community as a research into about bonding
how to bond so strong to one or to two persons, how to achieve
the moment when they are going to touch each other in the very subtle way actually touching the skin of others and listen to the biggest song
there is always a moment when one has to go back to her childhood bedroom sober
again alone in the bed
five nights ago when we started it
i was failing to keep a promise
seven days in row, we are all in
each others rooms
in tents vans yurts
on the morning buses or planes
or
by each other in the same bed but in several dreams
trip is over we are down it is not as painful but is yet another loss
Maybe it has been a place to make me rethink why I care so less about others
Why I am always so busy about myself. Why I don't have children?
Wait, I start again.
Still bad skin.
Still migraines.
Still insecurities.
I haven't found toxins strong enough to deal with those.
Still migraines.
Still insecurities.
I haven't found toxins strong enough to deal with those.
Wait, I start again.